Saturday, May 4, 2013

Better to Have Loved and Lost

I can't remember the name of the movie or show that I had seen but one friend had tried consoling a grieving friend with the words "it is better to have lost and loved then never to have loved at all." The friend quipped "You should try it". Maybe its one of those the grass is greener on the other side of the fence thing. To live your entire life without having had experienced that one deep special love of your life. To have never found your soulmate. On the flip side, to have belonged to someone. To have found your epic love, and then lost them. To have to spend the rest of your life knowing what you are living without. Which scenario sucks worse really?

I guess I can't really decide which would be worst. I'm on the side of the fence with the rest of the people who remain unloved. That's a serious headtrip during my depressive lows. I'm unlovable. I try to bury it but I guess I am a romantic at heart. I believe that everyone has a soulmate in the world, somewhere. I'm realistic enough to realize that not everyone finds theirs. Or is the real question about being loved in return? Unrequited love is an entirely different situation all together.

But what if you met your soulmate but never realized it. Maybe it was that friend that has held a special place in my heart for as long as I can remember. When he was single, I was involved. When i was single, he was attached. Through the wonders of facebook, I happen to know that we're both currently single.

Now that we're both old, fat, and ugly. The ironic thing is that he admitted the same motivation and thought process that I had. It was easier to put on weight and let myself go than to keep turning my ex away when he would return to wipe his boots on the doormat he thought I was. My appearance no longer calls attention to myself to those men who perceive my unwillingness to date as a personal challenge to prove that I can't live without them, only to leave once I start to believe them.

So could this be my soulmate with a tragic history of bad timing? Is it worth risking a solid friendship to try to find out? We both have horrible track recoords when it comes to love, what kind of chance could we have at a healthy relationship? Is it better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?

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